My Heart - Paramore

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone
Stay with me, this is what I need, please?

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to You
We could sing our own but what would it be without You?

I am nothing now and it's been so long
Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope
This time I will be listening.

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to You
We could sing our own but what would it be without You?

This heart, it beats, beats for only You
This heart, it beats, beats for only You
This heart, it beats, beats for only You
My heart is Yours.

This heart, it beats, beats for only You
My heart is Yours (My heart, it beats for You)
This heart, it beats, beats for only You (It beats, beats for only You)
My heart is Yours (My heart is Yours)
This heart, it beats, beats for only You
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away)

My heart, my heart is Yours (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away)
My heart is Yours (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)
My heart is Yours (Please don't go, please don't fade away)
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away)

My heart is...

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Another amazing song. Paramore pwns.

I've decided to change some things in my life. Some bad habits that I've had for as long as I can remember.

It's going to be hard, but I'm going to do it.

I've been thinking a lot lately. (which is never a good thing)

I don't want the typical American life. Once you get out of highschool, go to college, get a good job, get married, have kids, grow old, blah blah blah.

I don't want it. At all. It just seem so.. lame. I couldn't enjoy that life.

But then again.. I don't really know what I want. Besides that I want to love myself, and love Jesus, and love living. As long as I have that, I'm good. But I don't know what I'll have to do to achieve that.

My biggest dream, which is completely ubsurd and will probally never come true, is to become involved in the music industry doing some sort of ministry. Kind of like Jamie Tworkowski. He helps a lot of people, and knows a lot of people in the music industry.. and.. yeah. I would LOVE to do something like that. I was talking to my parents the other day about what I want to do seriously after highschool (go to college for music business), and my dad laughed at me. Pretty much shot it down. Kind of made me realize how rediculous my dreams are, and how I'll most likely end up in a dead-end desk job or something of the sort.

But I don't want it. I don't. I don't. I don't. I want to do something meaningful... something that will make a lasting impact on someone's life.

I wish I knew what that was.

Maybe I'll just travel around in that hippie van all my life and be a bum.... *sigh*

Be My Escape

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
Because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You,
I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
'Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

'Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

I gotta get outta here
'Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You,
I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

'Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You,
I’m begging You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You.

So were You.

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kick-butt song.

Feed Just One

Although barely anyone reads this blog...

Feed Just One is an amazing organization that helps feed starving people all around the world.

The Need: Over 800 million people are starving worldwide. A child dies every 3 seconds of hunger.
The Problem: Most aid programs currently available require a commitment of $35 a month that your average person either can't or isn't willing to commit to. Schools and orphanages are trying on their own with little or no aid and children are "lucky" to get 3 meals a week. It has been said that 5 meals a week would be a miracle.
The Solution: You can provide a meal to a starving child through Feed Just One for only 4 cents. One meal a day costs just 28 cents a week, $1.20 a month or $14.60 a year.

ALL of the money donated through Feed Just One will be given directly to Feed My Starving Children (FMSC.org) to go towards shipping meals to starving children around the world. Feed Just One keeps NONE of this money aside from a small portion of the sticker and t-shirt sales to cover our costs and operating expenses with the rest going directly to FMSC.

For every person who requests to add them as a friend on myspace, they will donate one meal. If you make them a sign, they will donate 30 meals. You can also buy things from their store (shirts, stickers, bracelets) to help support them.

They're having a holiday sale right now. It's your chance to buy a great gift for someone that will also save lives around the world. Most everything is in stock and ready to ship and everything ordered by 12/10 will arrive by Christmas.

Also, when you buy something, put in the code "Hannah" to help me out.Please help save some lives, and buy something. The things in the store aren't expensive.

Store link: http://feedjustone.bigcartel.com/
Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/useyourcents

Thanks.

Charlie Brown: I think I'm afraid to be happy.
Lucy: How can you be afraid to be happy?
Charlie Brown: Because whenever you get too happy, something bad always happens.

It's the truth.

*sigh*

I want to be more than mediocre.

I wish I wasn't so selfish in wanting that.

It just that I'm not *really* good at anything. Oh, I'm okay at guitar, at school, at making graphics, at art, at photography, in theology, in friendship, at my job, the list goes on and on. Everything I do is mediocre. I'm not spectacular, I'm not amazing. I'm just another person passing in existence. I am absolutely terrified that I will never amount to anything. And it's all my own fault. Whenever I try to excell at something, I fail. Miserably. And I hate it. But it never changes. I'm always just okay.

*sigh*

I'm so lame.

Love

I've been thinking a lot about love today - most likely because of the whole Nathan&Stefanie getting married thing.

I'm happy for both of them - I'm very happy. I could see the love in their eyes today. the excitement of getting married... and their excitement for each other made me excited for them.

Someday, I want a guy to look at me the way Nathan looked at Stefanie all of today. That completelyandutterlyinlove, Iwanttobewithyouforeverandeverandever, Ionlyhaveeyesforyou look.

I know I'm too young for it all right now... after all, I'm only fifteen (or will be in a few hours anyway). But I want it. I want it with all my heart. I want someone to love me with all their heart, and have eyes for only me.

But I'm scared it will never happen.. and if it does that I won't be able to receive that love. I've heard over and over that you can not recieve love if you don't love yourself - and I'm not at the point in my life that I can love myself, and I don't know if I ever will.... and I also know that to have someone love me like that, and for me to be able to recieve that love, we're going to need God in the center of that relationship, like I see in Nathan's and Stefanie's.

All the marraige's that I've seen (now, I'm not saying that all marriages, only the one's I've seen) that have truly succeeded, and you can tell that both of the people in the marriagie truly love each other - all of them have God in the center. As the wedding planner was saying this morning, God is the third strand in the braid of marriage.

I need to make God first in my life. I really do. And I haven't, not in a long time.. in fact, I don't know if I ever really have. I believe in him, and love Him with all my heart, but I'm always too concerned with what *I* want, and not what He wants for me... and I need to start working on that, a lot. I need to start working on loving myself so I can accept God's love, and eventually, the man I'm gonna marry's love.

.. I'm excited for that day. It's going to be a long time from now, I'm still way to young.. but I'm excited. And I need to start working on myself.



snapdragons and lollipops.

I hate hormones.