i am the worst of all things here
my crooked, black, and lying heart still spits its bitter fear
and each and every sparrow
they flutter to the ground before they die
so please God, don't forget me

--------

now i wonder, where's your thunder?

lifelifelife.
it's so crazy sometimes. so busy. so insane.

some days it's hard to breathe.
some days it's not.

i'm done with school in less than two months.
i graduate in less than three and a half.
it's strange, this thing called "growing up".

i've been thinking a lot lately, about life and death and God and everything. i often wish my thoughts made enough sense to write down so i could actually learn something from them. but it doesn't work like that most of the time. they just float around and eventually disappear without a trace. it's slightly frustrating. because i want to learn, i want to grow, i want to become someone new.

i want to follow to the best of my ability. and find out what everything really means.

but sometimes i'm just a girl. interupted.

sometimes my chest aches so much that it's almost hard to breathe.


i can't stop listening to 'there is hope' and 'the hug poem' by bradley hathaway.


sometimes i feel i'll never figure it out.

"there's just hurt in my soul that needs to be purged"

i wish i could sing like hayley williams.
dang, she's so freaking amazing. i love the acoustic paramore stuff, because she sings like she'd sing in the normal version of the songs..
[/fangirl]

anyway.
i made an underoath cover.
enjoy, i hope i don't break your glass.

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don't forget me.

forget me and throw me away.
i seem to fall short once again.
set me free from this mess i call 'me'.

building up sorrows and failures..
will i ever get this right?

there's got to be more to life than this..
than this.. emptiness.
but everywhere i look just holds more gasping chasms.

help me hold on for one more night.
please, please, please.
i can't do this on my own.

song for 2010:
"Months and Years" by Abandon Kansas