i love switchfoot.

one girl revolution

"Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl
I can lose my hard earned freedom if my fear defines my world
I declare my independence from the critics and their stones
I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone...
I'll be everything that I want to be
I am confidence in insecurity
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world...
I'm a one girl revolution." - Superchic[k]

"Raise your hand if you’re not another carbon copy
Wannabe like everybody else
Raise up your hand if you got something more to say
Keep on lookin if your lookin for a cookie cutter
I’m here to start a revolution
I’m here to start a one girl revolution
I’m not a perfect ten, paper thin, Hollywood illusion
I thought I told ya, I’m a soldier
And I ain’t leavin’ til the party’s over
One girl revolution." - Saving Jane

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today has just been one of those days.
i feel really fat and ugly and worthless today. and i'm pretty sure it's true. because i am fat... even my mother says so. =p
i had an interview today at the place my sister works.. i got a really strong feeling that the lady didn't like me and was only interviewing me because my sister works there. and i really don't want to work there now.. hah. so i'm not going to. and the two other places i was looking at filled the positions already. lovely.
i'm still a bit behind in school.. mostly in literature. ick. and i have a paper to write too.. ugh. only three weeks though! i'm so ready. so. so. so. ready.
i had to go to the dentist today too, to get a filling. ick. and i have to get two more on monday. double ick. and i'm getting braces at the end of May. not going to enjoy that. (on the other hand though, straight teeth will be nice..)

enough ranting. hah. because although today has been perfectly horrible.. it's reminded me how much i need to change. Which is a lot.. and I'm going to seriously start working on those things.. i'm not just going to say that i'm going to work on them. i'm not going to be in that "in-between" part. i'm tired of being there. tired of being the girl next door.. =p


so..
today was one of my best friend's sixteenth birthdays. happy birthday, robert. =]
strange thing - my two best guy friends both turned sixteen in the same week. how weird is that? hah.

"It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear.... it's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to." -Marilyn Ferguson

And I'll go to undergo a surgery to purge me of this lonely mood
And my ego, the status quo, provides me with a decent attitude
And I'll go to undergo a change of heart, a change of clothes
And I'll go, oh yes
I'll go and hope the new me shows so everybody knows
That I've found myself able to fly away with out magic feathers or jefferson aero planes
I've got with me all that I need

renee - two years

she's such an inspiration to me. she really is.
plus, she has kick-butt makeup and hair. ^_^
i loved the end of the video..
"it's not like they crawl out of their mothers and start walking. oh.. wait i don't think that's appropriate. *laughs*"
haha.
and i really love how she places the importance on today... because that's how i'm living. one day at a time..

"well, she never was the best - yeah, at following the trends"

choosing to be happy.. it's an interesting concept. i was reading a blog today that was talking about it.. and i've written blogs about how i choose to be happy.
i think that sometimes it's possible.. but more than often it's not. happiness is a thing that comes and goes. there's a time and a place for it. the same goes for not being happy. there are times and places when it's okay to not be happy... when it's okay to not want to be happy. happiness is a very fickle thing, and rightly so. if we were happy all the time.. then we would never get any joy out of the happiness.

"..and i'll take the truth at any cost.."
i hate lying. i really do. and i think the main reason is because i've gotten hurt so much because people have lied to me.. and if they had told the truth, it still would have hurt - but it would have hurt less. does that make sense? i dunno.
so.. yeah. just an fyi. don't lie to me. it makes me angry.
and i think it's okay for me to be angry when someone lies to me.. ya know, as long as it's "righteous" (ooh, big Bible word) anger, and i don't act "unrighteously" on it.. then i think it's perfectly acceptable. =p


i have worship team practice tonight.. should be interesting. we have a new worship leader.. tonights his first night. kinda like a test-run of sorts. we'll see how it goes.. hah.

"I don't have anything that you need. Nothing I say is going to change your life, and none of our music is going to change the world. God does those things. Always listen for that still small voice in your head telling you to hold, resist anger, and show love. Hard times make you who you are, not good ones." - Matthew Langston, Eleventyseven

the end.

we're not alone - broken iris

"Is this right?"
Because deep down inside
There's something that's left
To discover

Is your grand design hand woven nor divine?
As right as the rain smells when it hits the ground
As safe as an infant feels in its mother's arms
Sleeping peacefully sound
Singing...

We're not alone softly she whispers
As out of control as this world seems to be
We're not alone

When day turns to dusk
And you close your eyes and finally realize as you ponder
A battling storm in the sky

Is your grand design hand woven nor divine?
As right as the rain smells when it hits the ground
As safe as an infant feels in its mother's arms
Sleeping peacefully sound

We're not alone softly she whispers
As out of control as this world seems to be
We're not alone

It's impossible to blink away
From this astonishing absolute beauty
And I smile just as you say

Set all your fears aside
Reveal what has grown through time
The Overcast falls behind
Then you'll find

We're not alone softly she whispers
As out of control as this world seems to be
We're not alone

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i haven't actually heard this song.. but i like the lyrics, quite a lot.


three weeks until i'm done with my sophmore year! i'm so excited to be done with school, if only for a few months.. a break is greatly needed. it's kinda scary though. because that means that i'll be a junior.. which means next year i'll be a senior.. which means i'm 'growing up'... i turn sixteen in six months. that's a creepy thought. this whole growing up thing is scary... i mean, i'm excited. and i'm ready to be older and get out of the grip of my parents.. but it's still scary. it's a double edged sword of sorts.

i have a couple of options for jobs.. i dunno if any of them will work out, but i'm hoping one of them will. because i'm *so* done with where i'm working now.. it's like, living hell. (well, not quite, but you get the picture. haha)

.. and i think i about covered the majority of my life. work and school. oh. so. exciting. =p