i get so jealous sometimes my body aches.
loneliness creeps into my soul and tears it apart..

i wanna run away, i wanna ditch my life
[because all of my mistakes keep me awake at night]

----
i get tired of life far to easily.
i don't talk enough.
meaning, i never get to know anyone and no one ever gets to know me.
which is why i'm so miserably lonely all the time.

i am far too consumed with myself.

in an effort to maintain some positivity in my life, i've started a new blog.
http://stargazingdaydreams.blogspot.com

i will still use this one for depressive ranting, but that one is where all my positive posts will go.

"Most good things have been said far too many times and just need to be lived."

Shane Claiborne is seriously a very blessed person. sososo inspiring.
i just wish i could do something with my inspiration instead of still sitting on my butt in front of the computer.



"And I think that's what our world is desperately in need of - lovers, people who are building deep, genuine relationships with fellow strugglers along the way, and who actually know the faces of the people behind the issues they are concerned about."

"We do need to be born again, since Jesus said that to a guy named Nicodemus. But if you tell me I have to be born again to enter the Kingdom of God, I can tell you that you have to sell everything you have and give it to the poor, because Jesus said that to one guy, too. But I guess that's why God invented highlighers, so we can highlight the parts we like and ignore the rest."

"For even if the whole world believed in resurrection, little would change until we began to practice it. We can believe in CPR, but people will remain dead until someone breathes new life into them. And we can tell the world that there is life after death, but the world really seems to be wondering if there is life before death."

"Only Jesus would be crazy enough to suggest that if you want to become the greatest, you should become the least. Only Jesus would declare God's blessing on the po0r rather than on the rich and would insist that it's not enough to just love your friends. I just began to wonder if anybody still believed Jesus meant those things he said."

there's a knot in my stomach
a knot that won't untie
lingering like stale smoke
just a picture-framed goodbye..

please remember.

love is not a 9-5 job. love is a commitment. love is life.
today was the unoficially official twloha day. hundreds, maybe thousands of people wrote love on their arms in support of this organization. i support the organization and i support people supporting the organization... but i don't see a huge impact with it. just because you have "love" written on your arm doesn't mean you're helping out. if you write love and you reach out, then it means something. if you write love and say you support but don't reach out, it's nothing. it's worthless, like a clanging gong in the middle of the night. i just can't get it. with so many people saying that they're "making a difference" yet not doing a thing except for using a sharpie... it doesn't make much sense to me.

"let me tell you this: if you're not depressed or struggling with self-harm, today's not about you. it's about reaching out to the people in need around you. write love on somebody else's arms today. tell someone you don't like that they're worth something. It might make more of a difference than you could ever imagine."
-random photographer on flickr

"it's crap unless it moves you, crap unless it connects with your story, meets you in your pain, reminds you of your dreams, reminds you what's possible." - jamie tworkowski

there's so much pain. so. much. pain.
but there is also love. so much MORE love.
don't give up. don't ever fucking give up.
life is worth it, regardless of how messed up it can feel..

"so maybe people are our way out. maybe people can help us out. which is to say, maybe you can help somebody out. maybe you can save somebody's life. and maybe it's as easy as saying something to them. and if it's that easy... imagine how much more we can do if we do more than just say something" -eric schripsema

peace to you tonight. <3

woodie awards!

Jamie Talks Woodie Awards from To Write Love on Her Arms. on Vimeo.

i'll be happier, happier when i've given up..

i don't want to be perfect, just alright..

we're all wasted...

half of me is dead, already gone... half is screaming "everyone is wrong."

in less than five hours, i will be officially seventeen.
weird.
no, weird isn't really the right word. i don't know what is.
i hate birthdays. well, not for other people. i like saying to other people "i'm glad you were born" which means "i'm glad you're alive". but i hate them for me. it doesn't feel right - celebrating this mess of a human that i am. i'm undeserving of life, much less people celebrating my life. not that most people care anyway - it's just an excuse for celebrating.
also, i hate the mass amount of shallow birthday wishes on facebook. if people really cared about me they would talk to me more than once a year, and they would know when my birthday was without having too look on facebook.

it's a constant conflict in me - between wanting to grow up and wanting to be a kid. but i think i'm getting closer to fully wanting to be grown up. i think it might be triggered by the constant arguement with my parents that i always seem to be in [i'm never going to be good enough for them]. it sounds like teenage angst, and maybe it is, but i'm so done with it all.

hello life as a seventeen year old.