life lessons from transformers

just kidding. there's no life lessons contained in this post.
but it is about transformers.

i went and saw the new one last night. i was super excited because i had heard that it was really good.. and i was sorely disappointed. don't get me wrong, the special effects were amazing, but the dialogue and plot were both severely lacking, it was somewhat confusing at times as to who was an autobot and who was a decepticon, and the iq level of the transformers was all together about a three. and there were things in the movie that didn't need to be in there that could have easily been left out. why is this culture so obsessed with sex? really, it bothers me. sex should be (and is, in my perspective) something sacred. :/

and i'm learning more and more that i'm becoming a pacifist in most ways. i'm finding that when i watch violent/somewhat violent movies, i dislike them. i don't like violence and death. i don't like it whatsoever.

bayside

i can’t go on
deflate the air from both
of my lungs
fears one by one
followed me home
and became reality
i'm a failure
i'm a freak
i'm a chip on your shoulder
the last thing you need
shudder, earth quakes at the thought
of a life that’s meaningless
and with such a promising past
but you can always count on me
to choke the end

i can’t go on
deflate the air from both of my lungs
i’ll be gone
long before daylight shows its face

honestly, i'm taking big strides
on a race towards normalcy
where more is more
and less is weak
where love is crap, emotion speaks
for us all
what’s really right
who’s who to say
i can survive alone again
figured that out the hardest way
the forecast calls for fire
flames sound nice today

i can’t go on
deflate the air from both of my lungs
i'll be gone
long before daylight shows its face
it's old and worn
and it's mouth smiles no more
well I'm worth my weight in potting soil
maybe I try to hard to care

i left a note on your bed
i don’t recall what it said
it's something like
"i'm completely miserable
and i'm better off dead”

i can’t go on
deflate the air from both
of my lungs
i'll be gone
long before daylight shows its face
it's old and worn
and it's mouth smiles no more
well I'm worth my weight in potting soil
maybe I try to hard to care

i can’t go on
deflate the air from both
of my lungs

i can’t go on
deflate the air from both
of my lungs

i can’t go on.

-----------------

it's been a bad day.
for no reason.

i hate depression.

catastrophe

'wake up, you're a drama queen.
carry on like you're supposed to be.

i know that i shouldn't let it get to me
but it does.. who am i kidding?'

-ftsk

"There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. (They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.) And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty. The knowledge of God seeped out of my brain and into my heart. I imagined Him looking down on this earth, half angry because His beloved mankind had cheated on Him, had committed adultery, and yet hopelessly in love with her, drunk with love for her." - Donald Miller

winter - noah gundersen

it's a beautiful song.
i really adore noah gundersen's music and lyrics.



i've been learning a lot lately.
technology is both a blessing and a curse. it can be used as a wonderful communication tool or as an excuse to lock yourself away from the world.
i watch too much television. (as well as every other american)
being lazy makes you more tired than going out and doing something with your life.
hanging out with people that make you feel alive is better than hanging out with those that don't.
hanging out with people in general is really good for you.
most of the time people really can't tell the difference between tiredness and depression. (or they can and just don't want to)

"no, life cannot be understood flat on a page. it has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath..." - donald miller

as of a week and a half ago, i am officialy done with my junior year of highschool.
whoo!

only two years left of school total. one in highschool, one at photography school.
then i'm off to hopefully working somehow with a mix of photography, music, and ministry/non-profits.

half of me is super super super excited.. but the other half totally isn't ready yet. i feel like i should still be a little kid with years and years until i have to think about my future. but i'm sixteen - and i'm not a little kid anymore. time to start growing up, eh?

on another note, i recently (..yesterday..) discovered this AMAZING band called "Awaken, North Wind". they're really good and i like them a lot.
i'm bad at describing bands, so you should just check them out for yourself..
http://myspace.com/awakennorthwind

so many unanswered questions

i tried to go to bed 47 minutes ago.
it didn't work.
it's one of those nights that my head is just so full of things.. questions... life..
i've been having a lot of these nights lately.


the whole God/predestination thing. I still haven't figured it out. if God really did predestine those who would be saved, why did He pick who He did? why didn't He just pick the whole world? does predestination interfere with free will?

legalism in Christianity. why are Christians so stuck in it? why are there so many rules and regulations and shit? why is the church seen as a museum for saints rather than a hospital for sinners? why isn't living like Jesus did - loving with all we are - enough?

why am i always shuffling backwards? it seems everytime i take one step forward, i take two steps back. or everytime i think i've finally got it right, i have to turn myself around.

materialism/consumerism. why is america so obsessed with it? why is it so important? why do i constantly get caught up in it? when will we realize that there's no joy in having it all?

will things actually change once i get out of this town? will i actually be able to make a difference?

i don't know.
and these are only a fraction of the questions in my head.

*sigh*