so many unanswered questions

i tried to go to bed 47 minutes ago.
it didn't work.
it's one of those nights that my head is just so full of things.. questions... life..
i've been having a lot of these nights lately.


the whole God/predestination thing. I still haven't figured it out. if God really did predestine those who would be saved, why did He pick who He did? why didn't He just pick the whole world? does predestination interfere with free will?

legalism in Christianity. why are Christians so stuck in it? why are there so many rules and regulations and shit? why is the church seen as a museum for saints rather than a hospital for sinners? why isn't living like Jesus did - loving with all we are - enough?

why am i always shuffling backwards? it seems everytime i take one step forward, i take two steps back. or everytime i think i've finally got it right, i have to turn myself around.

materialism/consumerism. why is america so obsessed with it? why is it so important? why do i constantly get caught up in it? when will we realize that there's no joy in having it all?

will things actually change once i get out of this town? will i actually be able to make a difference?

i don't know.
and these are only a fraction of the questions in my head.

*sigh*