coming down is calming down - underOATH

Facing forwards, sinking in thin air
Help me to learn, to breath again(2x)
I know I've lost my way
So show me

There are demons inside my head
I always let them win
I always let them win
I have to learn to suffocate them

The lost ask for a hand
But I can't stop, I never stop

I've been losing my footing here
I'm all mixed up in this
I need some kind of change
God make it stop, I can't make it stop
This place is getting smaller

Everything in your darkest thoughts about me might be true
I hear the words you say, I still feel nothing
I put my voice out there for you to hear
But the words never made much sense to you

I've lost my path
I'm fading fast(2x)

Time is short
Time is up

I've been losing my footing here
I'm all mixed up in this
I need some kind of change
God make it stop, I can't make it stop
This place is getting smaller

This is really my plan
To get out in one piece
Is this really your plan
To keep me lost and on my knees

I say redemption(2x)
Can someone help me hold on(2x)

so.
i'm not losing my job.
but i'm going to get one, maybe two shifts a week. and they're only going to be like, an hour and a half in the afternoon.
and it blows.

>_<

I Know the Feeling - The Classic Crime

I know it cuts you inside every time that you try
To take a pathway in life that leaves you so unobliged
Every promise is lies, every smile makes you cry
Leaves you so unalive, so unalive
I wish I could take the fall
Maybe by that I could solve
The problems we're all having
It's been a while since you've felt like you've been home
Your life's just flesh and bone

Your heart is worth more than you know
The one thing that hurts more than your life
Is to wake up one more time alone
It's to wake up one more time alive

So take us in, we'll stop you dead
We'll show you something you won't ever forget
This life's a road, no place is home
My heart's a hole
That needs to constantly be filled with love

This time it's all that I've got
Words hit the page like gunshots
My stomach's left in a knot
My pride is left here to rot
It's been a while since I've felt this restless
By definition it's depressing but I'm alright
It kills to wake up one more time alone
It kills to wake up one more time alive

So take us in, we'll stop you dead
We'll show you something you won't ever forget
This life's a road, no place is home
My heart's a hole
That needs to constantly be filled with love

I know the feeling of being all alone
So let's drink to fact that we're not
I know the feeling of being all alone
So let's drink to fact that we're not

So take us in, we'll stop you dead
We'll show you something you won't ever forget
This life's a road, no place is home
My heart's a hole
That needs to constantly be filled with love

----------------

so.
i might lose my job due to no fault of my own.
pretty much sucks. a lot.
even though i hate it.. i still need a job. and i haven't been able to find a new one, 'cause i've been looking for the past couple months, even before i knew anything about the changes going on at work.

but yeah.
it sucks.
a lot.

golden - switchfoot

(Like freedom in spring)

She's alone tonight with a bitter cup and
She's undone tonight, she's all used up,
She's been staring down the demons
Who've been screaming
She's just another so and so,
Another so and so

You are golden,
You are golden, Child
You are golden,
(Don't let go)
(Don't let go tonight)

There's a fear that burns like trash inside
And your shame of the curse that burns your eyes
You've been hiding in your bedroom,
Hoping this isn't how the story has to go
It's not the way it goes,
It's your book now,

You are golden,
You are golden, Child
You are golden,
(Don't let go)
(Don't let go tonight)

You're a lonely soul in a land of broken hearts
You're far from home, it's a perfect place to start

(Yeah!)
(Burn)
(Burn, Burn!)

So this final verse is a contradiction
And the more we learn the less we know

We've been talkin' about a feeling,
We both know inside but couldn't find the words
I couldn't write this verse,
I've seldom been so sure,
About anything before

Golden,
You are Golden, Child

You are Golden,
(Don't let go)
(Don't let go tonight)

This world is a dead man down (Golden, you are)
Every breath is a fading crown we wear (Golden, Child, you are)
Like some debilitated king (Golden, don't let go)
Don't let go tonight

The Earth spins and the moon goes round (Golden, you are)
The green comes from the frozen ground (Golden, Child, you are)
And everything will be made new again (Golden)
(Like freedom in spring) (Golden, Golden)

Hey, like freedom in spring, (Golden, you are, hey)
Like freedom in spring (Golden, Child, you are)
(Gold...)

my guitar teacher asked me today what I thought I was really good at.
I didn't have an answer.
because I honestly have no idea what I'm really good at. I don't think I'm good at much of anything.

and he told me that I'm overly-critical of myself.
is that true?
I'm kinda believing that it is.
but I kinda can't really help it.

I'm like a load of epic fail.
hah.

anyway.
so far I've learned "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot and "Be My Escape" by Relient K. and now I'm learning "Misery Business" by Paramore.
w00t.
I was going to learn some other Paramore songs, but Josh said that they were too easy for me. =p

oh, and check out Random Hero, my guitar teacher's band..
http://myspace.com/bandrandomhero

i'm beginning to think that either i'm an excellent liar, or people really just don't care whether or not i'm really okay.

but whatever.
screw it all.

i was told to have a good day today - so that's what it is. a good day.

=p

salt in the snow - the classic crime

Give me wings, Give me peace.
These are the things that I need.
I'm tormented, broken and shamed
Are You listening? Are You listening?

Give me shelter from the storm,
I know it's a lot to ask for considering how recent
I've piled the dirt on Your name.
Are You listening? Are You listening?
Are You listening?

I have heard that winter's cold
Will give way to summer's warmth
Oh no, like salt in the snow
I'm melted and left all alone
On the side of the road.

In this where I am for Your sake"
Stuck between sleep and awake?
My mind is dreaming of things
Are You listening? Are You listening?

I took You for granted again
And drew You aside and pretended
For one minute that I had control of my life
And the direction it seemed to be in
I was wrong again, I was wrong again
Are You listening?

I have heard that winter's cold
Will give way to summer's warmth
Oh no, like salt in the snow
I'm melted and left all alone
On the side of the road.

I will wait for You to come again,
And I can't pretend like I'm confident
And I can't pretend like it makes much sense
When it doesn't.

I have heard that winter's cold,
Will give way to summer's warmth.
Oh no, like salt in the snow,
I'm melted and left all alone
On the side of the road.

On the side of the road.
On the side of the road.
On the side of the road.

----------------------------
[rant]
i was talking with my sister and a guy from church at church tonight, and we were talking about facebook status' and such, and he was laughing at how much my sister updates her status, and so I told him not to be friends with me on facebook - cause i update my status a lot more than she does. and he was like "so, let's see, your mood changes from angry to sad to grumpy to melancholy, right?".
it really pissed me off. like, really.
yes, i am moody sometimes. but i'm allowed to be - i am a teenage girl. and it pissed me off that he pretended to know me so well. ugh.
i mean, i can somewhat understand.. because oftentimes church is what makes me feel the most emoish (not sure why..), so i act emoish. but seriously, just because you don't see my happy side often at church doesn't mean i don't have a happy side. it doesn't mean i'm *always* moody and sad and grumpy.
i hate it when people pretend to know me, but know they don't, and don't even TRY to get to know me. it really pisses me off. i mean, at least make an effort to get to know me before judging me.
[/rant]


i have been somewhat melancholyish recently though.
i've felt somewhat lost.
i'm not sure what direction i'm going - or should be going for that matter.

work continues to get suckier.
well, not completely. but it's old. very old. i'm not a big fan of working in fastfood.. but there's really no other jobs i can get right now. all the ones i've found you have to be eighteen or over - and i'm nowhere near turing eight.
and the church continues to get smaller (i think we're down to about 60 people total, including kids). which really sucks. because when we first started going here, it was supposed to get bigger. the youth group was supposed to get bigger, not smaller. there was supposed to be life. (there were supposed to be cute teenage boys! xD). but it's not. we keep getting smaller and smaller and i begin to hate it more and more. i don't even want to play guitar for worship team anymore.. i haven't for awhile. ever since they made the cool worship team leader leave.. which, turns out everybody else had problems with him. but i thought he was awesome. stupid people. but.. yeah. they sound better without me anyway. =p

and school is icky. it's not hard or anything.. i just dislike doing it. a lot. i just want to be done completely already. gah. only two more years....


wow. i sound like a whiny brat.
i am a whiny brat.
someone, please slap me. hard.
maybe enough to kill me. that'd be good.