i once was blind.. but now i see..

I just finished watching the movie "Amazing Grace".
One of the best movies I've ever seen.
It made me cry.. and made me think.

What if we all fought against injustice like William Wilberforce did? How much would this world change if we focused our energy on making this world a better place rather than putting us up higher on the ladder? What if we changed ourselves before trying to change others.. so that the change in us is seen, and others choose to change themselves because they can see that it can be done.
If everyone chose to change themselves - if everyone chose to become a better person and die to themselves everyday.. just imagine how much this world could change.

I want a life of change, more than anything.

"i want to see miracles.. to see the world change.."

The Motions - Matthew West

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

-----------------------------------------

whoo-ee. long time no blog.

these past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of work, finishing school, graduations, graduation parties, moving (the church), etc.
and i'm still not even done with school. blah.

everybody's all excited.. planning their summers. getting excited for their trips. planning their packing lists.
and here i am, writing a lame blog about how i'm not doing anything this summer.
i'm so lame.
and it's even lamer that i'm complaining about this again.
but i can't help it. i feel pathetic for not doing anything.
i think i'm going to die being stuck here all summer. =p

i haven't been on the internet much lately.. partly because of business, partly because of disinterest. i haven't updated my quote site in forever. i dunno.. i guess it just seems that the internet is really shallow. everybody is so concerned with putting on these personas.. eh. i dunno. it just bothers me a bit. i mean, some people spend all their free time on the internet. that can't be healthy. although you can build some really great friendships online, those *can't* be the only friendships you have. you need real people. real life. i think we get lost in it. in all the "knowledge" at our fingertips. we forget what really matters. now, don't get me wrong.. the internet is great for a lot of things.. just.. the majority of people misuse it. and it's stupid. there's so much that this world has to offer that's not confined to a computer screen.
anyway.. enough of that.

love. interesting subject.
i think God has been trying to teach me some stuff about love lately. it's been turning up everywhere. for the bible study at church, we're doing "Loving Well" by Beth Moore. last week, i went to a friend's youth group, and the youth pastor spoke on love. i've started doing a personal Bible study, and it turns out that all the books i have are on love. plus a couple other random things..
it can't be a coincidence.
i don't quite know what about love yet.. whether it be that i should be loving others more or loving myself more (which i definitly need to work on both), or something else. but it's just plain weird. hah.

this month has brought the winds of change around here.. it's insane how much things are changing. weird.

i got my hair cut. it looks pretty cute. got a lot of compliments on it today.

yeah.

so.. because i am doing nothing of significance this summer... if any of ya'll wanna come visit me for a couple days.. or want me to come visit you.. let me know. 'cause that'd be rad and i wouldn't feel so lame. and i might be able to convince my parents to let me. hah.


oohh.. and.. my first vlog! =D
hah, i'm a dork..



you should go to the EleventyGirls channel and subscribe so you'll never miss one!
http://youtube.com/user/TheEleventygirls

i want it more and more to just always be the weekend. hah.

this past weekend was radsome.

on friday night i went to a superchic[k]/disciple/kj-52/britt nicole/starlit platoon concert. it was awesome.. although i went by myself. hah. i got right up front and center, second row from the stage. got some pretty awesome pictures. it was one of the first concerts that i didn't get pictures or autographs or even talk to any band members.. it was weird. but the lines were wicked long and my parents were waiting.. eh. maybe next time.
i felt really bad for disciple. because, they're like, this hxc band.. and the crowd was 75% girls under 13 and their parents. haha. it was kinda lame. it would've been better if there was a better crowd.. but it was still fun. i can't wait to see disciple when there's a good crowd. haha.

then on saturday, i cleaned the house for my mom. (oh, the joys)
but on saturday night, went to my friend's sixteenth birthday party. we went to build-a-bear. it was awesome. i made a monkey. her name is amber-lynn.. and she's a rawker. xD
and after build-a-bear we walked around the shopping complex it was in and talked and laughed and had fun.. and then we went back to Jordan's house and ate and did presents and such. it was rad.

sunday was mothers day, obviously. hah. the whole family was there.. and we ate.. and went on a walk and such. yeah.

uhm.. yeah.
now it's tuesday. a weekday. and my weekdays are filled with boring-ness. aka, babysitting, school, work.. etc. ick.
i'm so ready to be done with school. one more week! blah.


i was going to talk about some other, more serious, things too.. but i really don't feel like it. maybe in the next blog.. =p

the eleventyboys entertain me.

i miss them.

maybe we're all insane.

i'm feeling kinda blah today.
i dunno.

i miss some people really badly.. just want to give them great big hugs right now. just hang out with them.. but who knows when that'll happen. *sigh*

it was raining this morning. i wish it still was. i like the rain.

i'm going to a concert by myself on friday night.. should be interesting. i would be going with other people.. but everybody's busy... and i really wanna go.. so i'm just gonna go by myself. should still be fun.

i've been doing some drawing the past couple of days.. they're all really crappy. but i'm proud of myself.. because they're better than what i've drawn before. haha.
i really want to take a class.. or a painting class.. and i'd reallllyyyy love to take a photography class. but there's none offered around here. it's kinda sad. ah, well.. i'll live without 'em.

only two weeks of school left! you have no idea how excited i am. hah.

this is home - switchfoot

I've got my memories
They're always inside of me
But I can't go back, back to how it was
I believe now, I've seen too much
But I can't go back, back to how it was
Created for a place I've never known

This is home
Now I'm finally where I belong,
where I belong
Yeah this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home,
Yeah this is home

Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back, back to how it was
And I got my heart set on what happens next
I got my eyes wide it's not over yet
We are miracles
and we're not alone

This is home
Now I'm finally where I belong,
where I belong
Yeah this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home,
Yeah this is home

And now after all my searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see the sunset
I'm gonna call it home

This is home
Now I'm finally where I belong,
where I belong
Yeah this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home,
Yeah this is home

Now I know
Yeah this is home

I've come too far
Now I won't go back
This is home.



---------

new song by switchfoot.
it's a good song too. <3

Prince Caspian comes out soon.. hopefully going to a midnight showing. I'm way excited. Hopefully they don't screw it up. hah.

My new headline is from....
*drumroll*
Eleventyseven! ^_^
it's from the very end of their thank you's on the new record, Galactic Conquest. (well, I guess it isn't really new anymore.. hah)
and i was bored with 'moving for the sake of motion'. it was depressing. and i'm trying to stay away from depressing. =p

the end.

LCM - Children 18:3

You've got to run
You've got to go to the police
It's ok, you'll be fine
I think this is what's best for you
It's gonna turn out right
I've got to go
I've got to figure this out
You're really not at fault
You should go and clear your name
And work it out

Last chance Marie
You want to run? It'll be ok
Last chance Marie
I've got to run but you can give up now

So who are you?
Do you know what you want?
What does all this mean?
I know you have a yesterday but tomorrow is unseen
You have a choice
Do you know what you want?
When nothing else is clear
To go on now is optional
And home is near

Last chance Marie
Calm down, it'll be ok
Last chance Marie
I've got to run but you can give up now

They're coming, they're coming
You know you can't run with the death squad shooting
They're coming, they're coming
The pit bulls smiling and the squad cars screaming

Last chance Marie
You want to run? It'll be ok
Last chance Marie
I've got to run but you can give up now

To be free

-------------------------------

i think i've said this before.. but i'll say it again. i love listening to people talk. i really do. most of the times i really don't have anything worthwhile to put into a conversation (that's why i'm generally quiet in real life [and in internet life]).. but i really enjoy listening to other people's conversations. it's always interesting to hear what people talk about.. hah. like, on the bus sometimes, i pretend to listen to my mp3 player, but i'm secretly evesdropping. (is that bad? hah)

i've been on an emotional roller-coaster ride lately. not quite sure why. but.. like, really. i have been. my moods have been changing in the snap of fingers. it's strange. i feel bad for the people who have to deal with me. (although.. generally, i stay by myself in my room or i'm up here on the computer. =p)

i went on a walk with my dogs tonight, down in the canyon. oh, it brought back so many memories of when i was little.. playing with my friends down there. oh, the adventures we had. those were good times. anyway. i like taking walks. the air helps me clear my head. all too often i stay inside for too long. makes me emo. hah. i like the canyon though.. i wish i was a good photographer so i could capture all of it's beauty and show it too you. (but since i can't, you'll just have to come out and visit me and go hiking with me in it. XD)

my tooth hurts. =[
good thing i'm going to the dentist tomorrow.. even though i don't like the dentist. foreign objects and strange fingers going into my mouth = not my idea of fun.

i'm drinking tea right now. it's pretty darn tasty. i love tea. i think i even love it more than coffee. but either one.. they have to be almost excessivly sweetened. hah. i have too much of a sweet tooth. it's bad.

i love my church. i really do. and this is the first time that i can ever say i've loved a church. and i'm just hoping that it doesn't hurt me like all of the past churches have. and although my church is small... and the youth group is now only me and one other girl.. and we're moving out of our building.. and all these other things.. i still love it. i'm not really sure why.. hm.

anyway. i think i'm done for the night.
sorry for my spasitcism (is that even a word..? =p)

random music video time.

this is how i spent my friday evening. =p

Story behind "After the World"


After the World - Disciple


All That Matters - Addison Road (i love this song. the video is silly.)


Hold On - Jonas Brothers (yes, i know. them. but i actually like the song a lot..)


Matthias Replaces Judas - Showbread (Passion of the Christ video clips - caution, full gore)


Here it Goes Again - Ok Go


Paperthin Hymn - Anberlin


Friend Like That - Hawk Nelson

i love switchfoot.