resurrect me - jon foreman

It takes a long time to kill a man
Fifty-five years at least
Until he breaks down
Starts to look underground
And go off and get him some peace

I want to die a lot quicker than that
If it's my only way out
I've been counting up the cost
Getting up on that cross
Wanna know what this is all about

Father time
Steals our days
Like a thief
There's no Price
That I wouldn't pay
To get some relief
I've become
The empy shell
Of a man I like so well
I am a living, breathing hell
Come on and resurrect me

I tried to drown the pain with a friend of mine
It didn't seem to help
Oh, she's got a pretty face with a wedding lace
But I'm still waking up with myself

I know what it means to choke it down
Driving 'til your legs get weak
I know what it's like on a Saturday night
To be alone in a crowded street

Father time
Steals our days
Like a thief
There's no Price
That I haven't paid
To get some relief
I've become
The shell of a man
I can't begin to even understand
Have I forgotten who I am?
Come on and resurrect me
Resurrect me
Resurrect me
Resurrect me
Resurrect me
Resurrect me
Come on and resurrect me

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passion.
it's something that i want so very much.
lately i've been browsing blogs.. and i've found three that i really enjoy. all three are written by girls who are taking charge of their lives.. who are pursuing Christ and trying to better the world around them. it's girls like those that i want to be like. the ones who know who they are and know what they want to do. the ones who are confident in who they are - who they are in Christ. the ones who have passion - passion for life.
i envy those girls. the ones who seem to have it all figured out - or at least, just the important parts. or they're faking it extremely well. i wish i could at least fake it.
i want passion. i want to know who i am. i want to be confident in who i am and who i am in Christ. i want to be excited about life.
i honestly can't remember when i was really, truly excited for life. oh, sure, i have those moments.. but they all come crashing down the moment things don't go away the way i planned. oh, to have a lasting joy... a joy from Christ. a joy that's not so fickle as i am.
truth is, i'm struggling with God.. terribly much right now. when i actually believe that he's real, i have a hard time believing he cares. when i believe he cares, i have a hard time believing he cares about me.. it seems concieted and superficial that he should care about me. there's so many other people so much more deserving - so much more needing of that love. i dunno. i think i need to actually start trying more. and put to practice on the inside what i put out to the people around me.
it's hard. when it seems like the people around me could care less what i'm feeling. my parents for one.. it just seems like they're only half-listening to me when i talk. that frustrates me. it bothers me how nobody cares to get to know me - the real me. not the face i put on. nobody bothers to go any deeper than that. it's so superficial. my heart is aching for something more than this shallowness. and it's partly my fault.. mostly because i put on this apathetic face and pretend i don't want love. but shouldn't it be obvious? i mean.. everybody wants love. everybody *needs* love.
it's hard to have passion in a world of apathy. seems like everybody's drowning in self-pity. including me. hah. that's why i'm sitting here typing this blog. because i have nothing better to do because i block people out.. even though i really don't. because nobody tries. so i just pretend.
it was weird, the other day, after church i believe.. i was talking with some people, and somehow the topic of horses came up. and i said i love horses - because i do. i LOVE horses. i haven't ridden in forever though.. i need to go. soon. but, anyway. everybody was really suprised. they were all like "i didn't know that about you". and i was like "well, you never cared enough to ask". i actually didn't say that. i wanted to though. but it's kinda weird how little these people i interact with on a regular basis know so little about me. it's weird how much everyone i know knows so little about me.
and i know.. "you have to be interested in other people before they're interested in you".. but i can't help but just for once for somebody to be interested in me first. for someone to love me without expecting anything back. *sigh*

i'm really lame.
i suck at this trying to write interesting blogs thing.
the end.