deep blue, deep blue..

.. have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

good song. (Deep Blue by Jack's Mannequin)

i've been writing a lot more as of late - both here and in my private journal. it's weird. i mean, it's not like i'm a great writer or anything like that (in fact, i somewhat suck at it).. but i've been finding a real peace in it. and it's not poems or songs or anything like that. just plain old writing. pouring out my heart. it's weird.

i think it may be a bit to balance out the hurt. it may be my way to release my pain.. even though i still sometimes turn to more destructive ways. because there's been a lot of hurt. there always is a lot of hurt. but that's life. there's ups and downs. and turnings arounds. hah.

"you never fake the red across your wrist, there’s never been a mascara that could fix the saddest eyes a boy has ever seen, when you want so desperately to bleed.." - Ever Stays Red

the days are going by, and i'm getting older. and it scares me. i mean, i'm turning sixteen in four months. i'll be a graduate in two years. one on hand, i'm desperatly looking forward to it. there's so much i want to do with this life that i've been given. but on the other hand.. i'm scared to death. what if i mess it all up? what if it's not as exciting as i want to be? i guess the only thing to really do is trust that God has it all planned out already.
i really shouldn't worry so much. i mean.. with this great big God watching over me and everything. i think He laughs at me a lot.




"not done yet" - superchic[k]

It's been one of those days for a lot of days now
I need a day when the world can take care of itself
This isn't what I wanted how I thought my life would turn out
And I wonder if it's like this from here on out
Sometimes life gets you, but we go on
Sometimes life gets you, we're still going on

We're not done yet
Not going quietly into the night, not me and my friends
We're not done yet, don't take us too seriously
It's just life we'll win in the end
And we walk on and on and on and we walk on and on

It's been one of those days for too many days now
I did a thing that I didn't want to do again
I fell down in the place where I always fall down and I wanna give up
And let it be what it's been
Sometimes life gets you, but we go one
Sometimes life gets you we're still going on...

We're not done yet
Not going quietly into the night, not me and my friends
We're not done yet, don't take us too seriously
It's just life we'll win in the end
And we walk on and on and on and we walk on and on

It's been one of those days but I don't care now
It was only a day and tomorrow's ahead
We got this far and I know that I can ride this one out
Though I want to lie down, yet I won't wait yet
Sometimes life gets you, but we go one
Sometimes life gets you we're still going on...

We're not done yet
Not going quietly into the night, not me and my friends
We're not done yet, don't take us too seriously
It's just life we'll win in the end
And we walk on and on and on and we walk on and on

Well I won't quit yet sometimes life gets you but we go on
Sometimes life gets you, we're still going on