the edge - shel

You stood on the edge and danced all around
But in your triumph, you fell off somehow.

Did you ever get put back together
Cause you are a puzzle, you change with the weather.

And I watch you look out the window
As bitter and cold as the snow that covers your sidewalk
You cover your feelings and where do you go to hide your heart.

The more that I see of your world, the farther away from you I drift
And sooner or later we'll find that you and I don't exist

This pain has lasted too long.
You're searching for love where you don't belong.

Are you really so blind to the sorrow
That dwells in your yesterday and your tomorrow

You stood on the edge and danced all around
But in your triumph, you fell off somehow.

------------------------

shel is a local band.. saw them at heavenfest. they're pretty amazing.
heavenfest was cool. it was interesting, comparing it to warped tour.. seeing how different the two were/are. handed out about 85 twloha flyers/postcards. watched shel, everfound, fight the good fight (it was their last show. =[), rough draft, part of kj-52's set, skillet, and haste the day. got a couple decent photos. (see them at my flickr: http://flickr.com/photos/iamunbreakable) met an internet friend from the d2s boards.
overall it was a good day. i'm still kinda bummed that i missed paramore at the big gig though.

one thing that really bothers me about this whole music/band thing is that at the end of the day, i'm still a fan. it doesn't matter how many times i've seen the band.. i mean, even with eleventyseven.. at the end of the show, i'm still a fan. i want so badly to get to know these musicians, to see their hearts and the inspiration behind their music.. but it's never going to happen. i'm always going to be just another face in the crowd. and that bothers me. it shouldn't, but it does.. *sigh*

to be honest, i've been struggling a lot lately. with friends, my parents, myself, god, life..
it's like there's no point. when i put myself out there and put on that positive face and try to be happy and yadayadayada, it's the same outcome as when i'm my normal self. people don't act any differently around me... i'm still on the outside circle. i've been told many times to put myself out there and try to get to know people, but whenever i've done that, i've gotten hurt. and so i sit and wait like a dumbass for somebody to reach out to me. but it never happens. and i think that's why i struggle so much. twloha encourages the whole community thing quite a lot.. and i think one of the reasons i struggle so much is because i don't have that community thing. i don't have those people i can talk to when i'm having a bad day, or the ones i can go to when something really good has happened. it seems like everybody is too absorbed in themselves to care what i'm feeling. i've said these things so many times. and yet i'm saying them again... because nothing has changed.
blah. blah. blah. blah.

i'm whining again. i hate it when i do that.


i have such a strong yearning to get away from this place..
i want to find a place that i can call 'home'.

"... i don't want to be percieved the way i am, i just want to be percieved the way i am..."