The Last Night - Skillet

You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine
But I know it's a lie.

[Chorus:]
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you'll spend alone,
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,
I'm everything you need me to be.

Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all
I'm so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be okay, you're fine
But I know it's a lie.

[Chorus]

The last night away from me
The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand I will help you hold on
Tonight, tonight.

[Chorus]

I won't let you say goodbye,
I'll be your reason why.
The last night away from me,
Away from me.

-----------------------

I think I fail miserably at this whole relationship-with-Jesus thing. I can say all the right things and make it sound like it's going perfectly and I'm a great person because I love Jesus and blahblahblah... but it wouldn't be the truth. Oh, yeah, I still believe in God. I think I'm scared not too. I still love Him. But it's not the perfect relationship that I've made it out to be. Infact, it sucks. I hate feeling like it's a one-sided relationship.. and I'm not strong enough to make myself believe it's not. I'm uber-confused about this whole God thing. Like, last week, I totally felt like it was all real, and I could believe it forever, and Jesus was my number one, and blahblahblah. But now I don't feel any of that. And it frustrates me majorly.


My grandmother is dying. Like, literally dying. The cancer is a lot farther along than they originally thought, and last night the doctors told us that chemo won't work, basically nothing will work, and that she has a few months at most to live. It's just.. not right. I mean, one day everything's fine, the next, she's dying. It's insane. When they originally said she had one-to-five years to live, it was okay... because she still had awhile.. but with the latest diagnosis, it really hits hard. It's not like I'm really close to my grandma or anything like that (because I'm not - I'm not really close to anyone in my family, or anyone in real life for that matter...) but she's still my grandma. And it still hurts. I've accepted it, and I think I can be content with the fact that she's going home to Jesus... and I want to be happy about that. But I feel like I'm content and happy about her and her condition, then I'll be bad person. Like I'm not supposed to feel that.

Oh, and I took a self-evaluation test thingy. It said I'm suicidal with major depression, and have social phobia. Very comforting, eh?

*sigh*

Why does everything have to be so damn confusing?