Our Flag is White - This Providence

I'll run and hide under my bed
You're calling my name from outside my door
But I'm not ready yet
For a revolution to start in me

'Cause I'm just scared of losing control
I'm terrified of who I'll become with You
I'm just scared
The world hates you and it's gonna hate me too

A cry for help rings in your ear
I'm calling your name from inside this hole that I've dug myself into
It's so wrong
My self-centered prayers as if You don't care for anyone but me
Give me a day
That's all it takes for me to turn my back on You

'Cause I'm just scared of losing control
I'm terrified of who I'll become with You
I'm just scared
The world hates You and it's gonna hate me too

The whole world hates us
The whole world hates our song
But still we sing
But still we sing along

So here I am
A wary heart and trembling hands
Waiting for the words to leave Your lips
So here I am
A wary heart and trembling hands
Waiting for the words to leave your lips
(This could be the hardest step that I'll take)

Here I am
A wary heart and trembling hands
Waiting for the words to leave your lips
(This could be the hardest step that I'll take)

The whole world hates us
The whole world hates our song
But still we sing
But still we sing along
('Cause I'm just scared of losing control
I'm terrified of who I'll become with You
I'm just scared
The world hates You and it's gonna hate me too)

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I really, really like This Providence. I need to go out and get their cds.

I've come to the conclusion that I think Jesus just meant for us to live like He did. You know, like, taking care of the poor... living a good life, following God, etc. I mean, if you look at the way Christians are supposed to live, we're supposed to be out there helping, and caring. Not sitting on our butts having our churches cater to our needs. And I think that the only other thing that Jesus wants from us is for us to have a relationship with Him. Because that is what He wants - a relationship with us. I still kindof fail at the whole keeping-up-a-relationship-with-Him thing though. Like the song says "Give me a day - that's all it takes for me to turn my back on You". I can be really good at praying/doing my Bible study one day, and not do it for weeks after that. I'm really bad a going through with things that I don't wholeheartedly want to do, but know it's beneficial for me. Like eating healthy and excercising, I don't really do that either - but I know it would be very beneficial for me to do. I dunno.. it just seems that I don't deserve to have that type of good in my life. I don't deserve to be skinny. I don't deserve the love of Christ. And I don't think I'm quite ready to have a daily sacrifice for Christ. Which is really bad, I know. Because most people aren't ready for the things that are thrust upon them. I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately to figure it all out.

So, basically, my mind is a mess, even though I have figured out a few things..